Elevating a Soul: Tzedakah During Avelut

Origins and Significance of Giving Tzedakah During Avelut

We can derive the origins of this long-held tradition from the Yizkor prayer, from Jewish High Holiday liturgy. Yizkor, (lit. “Remember”) constitutes the mourner’s personal pledge to donate money in the deceased’s honor (more on Yizkor customs, below). 

An Earthly Mitzvah, with Heavenly Effects

Furthemore, according to Chassidut, the inner workings of the Torah based on Kabbalah, a person’s entire occupation while alive on Earth is to connect to G-d through mitzvot. Those who’ve passed can no longer do physical mitzvot. Therefore, when we do them in the deceased’s name, we increase their merit and enhance their standing in the heavenly realms. 

We refer to this concept as doing a mitzvah l’ilui haneshama (for the elevation of [the departed’s] soul). The prevailing way to do this is to either verbally or in writing pronounce that the given mitzvah is “L’ilui nishmat [Jewish given name of the deceased], ben/bat (son/daughter of) [Jewish name of the deceased’s father]. One of the most popular ways to do this is through giving tzedakah, and transferring our act of generosity to their merit.  

Tzedakah’s Power Over Death

Rabbi Yehuda, one of the sages of the Talmud (Rabbinic Commentaries on the Mishnah) writes poetically about giving charity:

“Death is stronger than all, yet charity delivers from death. As it is written, “Charity delivereth from Death””.  

This upholds a theme woven throughout Jewish philosophy and mysticism via metaphor; that acts of light (i.e. positivity) have the power to outshine darkness (i.e. negativity). A likely source for this practice comes from scripture, in the notion that although death has the power to end all actions in life, giving tzedakah after someone’s death is stronger still. This is because it brings positivity to the living and elevates the soul of the deceased.

The 5 Phases of Jewish Mourning & Corresponding Customs

There are five distinct phases of Jewish mourning, from death through the completion of the first year after death. The types of relatives they apply to include children, siblings, parents and the spouse of the deceased.

Aninut – From Death to Burial

The period between death and burial is Aninut, or intense mourning. The first custom associated with the loss is keriyah (lit. “tearing”). The sudden mourner, or onen, tears their shirt upon hearing news of the death. An onen is assumed to be in such a state of shock and bewilderment at this point that they’re temporarily absolved from certain mitzvot.

For those who encounter a bereaved mourner in this phase, it’s customary to exclaim, “Blessed are You, L‑rd our G‑d, King of the universe; the True Judge.”  This serves as a reminder that everything G-d does is ultimately for the good.

Shiva – First Seven Days

After interring the deceased’s body with a proper Jewish burial, mourners enter Shiva (lit. “Seven”); the first week of Avelut. Close relatives of the deceased are referred to as avelim (ovel, singular).  During this week, the loss is still fresh, and several guidelines dictate both mourners’ and visitors’ behavior.

Referred to as “Sitting Shiva,” avelim in this phase only sit on low stools instead of chairs. They stay home from work and don’t attend any recreational or celebratory activities.  

Mourners in Shiva may receive visitors if and when they feel up to it. Friends, family and neighbors will bring food, provide for other basic needs and even offer to hold prayer services in the mourners’ home. However, it’s considerate for visitors not to strike up conversation with avelim sitting Shiva. Rather, friends and neighbors should speak only if spoken to by the mourners. Upon leaving, however, it’s customary to wish the bereaved “May G‑d console you, together with all mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

Shloshim – The First Thirty Days

From burial up until the thirtieth day thereafter, mourners of a close family member shift from the intensity of Shiva to a somewhat milder phase of mourning called Shloshim (lit. “Thirty”). Only some of the restrictions observed in Shiva carry over to the remaining days of Shloshim. 

A common custom is for families and community members to hold a gathering the night before completion of Shloshim. At these gatherings, people share stories, inspirational words of Torah, recite Tehilim (Psalms), and give Tzedakah to relevant charitable programs. For most, this completes the main mourning period. Continuing onto the next phase is reserved for children of the departed only.

Avelut – The First Year

As mentioned, this milestone is observed solely by the children of the deceased and concludes with the Yahrzeit. Traditionally, for the first eleven months of this period, starting at the time of burial, the son of the deceased recites the mourner’s Kaddish every day of the year. When this isn’t feasible, an appointee whose parents are also deceased may do so on their behalf (more on this below).  

Yahrzeit – Death Anniversary and Onward 

The end of 12 months from burial marks the first Yahrzeit (death anniversary) of the departed.  From this date and every yahrzeit ongoing, the surviving family member typically recites Kaddish with a minyan (quorum of 10 congregants), and lights a special memorial yahrzeit candle that lasts 24 hours. 

And as mentioned above, any child(ren) of the deceased recite(s) Yizkor during synagogue services on certain Yomim Tovim (Jewish festivals). Similarly to Kaddish, an appointee may be designated to fulfill this responsibility.  

Charitable Giving During Mourning

Donating funds to charity to commemorate the departed not only enhances a passed loved one’s merit in Heaven. It sets an example for others looking on. As community members take positive actions in the face of sadness, it inspires the same in others.

Charity during mourning doesn’t need to take any one particular form. As mentioned above, one can sponsor mitzvot for other people to carry out, especially if it’s challenging for a mourner to do some mitzvot themselves.

Ways to Honor a Loved One – Colel Chabad Dedicated Services

Dedicating Funds to to the Bereaved In Israel

One way to appropriately bring more light into the world when grieving is to lift up others who’ve lost loved ones. Colel Chabad has dedicated funds for caring for orphans and supporting widows in Israel. When you donate, you’re directly helping these people.  

Kaddish by Proxy

Regardless of who does it, Kaddish should always be recited for the first 11 months. Colel Chabad offers a personal Kaddish service. You can sponsor an individual to recite Kaddish for your loved one. It’s a great way to  simultaneously fulfill the mitzvah of Kaddish and give tzedakah in the name of the deceased.

Yizkor by Proxy

Anyone who has lost a parent or child may recite this prayer during Yom Tov morning services with a minyan. However, if one can’t make it to the synagogue for services, Colel Chabad offers helpful personal Yizkor helpers to take care of it for you. We’ll appoint someone permitted to recite Yizkor (someone who has also lost a parent) to include your loved one’s name in their prayer. 

How Colel Chabad Helps – Through You!

Colel Chabad allocates resources towards initiatives that support the neediest groups in the community. Whether providing food, supporting holiday observance, helping with childcare, connecting people to education or medical assistance. We have programs that uplift all corners of Israeli society. In fact there’s no better way to help Israel and your fellow Jews.

By galvanizing community volunteers and corporate sponsorship, we strive to meet our financial and person-power benchmarks to reach all those who need help. But we also need your support!